Interview with Internet Dating Expert Cherie Burbach

Cherie Burbach used her experience with meeting her husband online to pen At the Coffee Shop, a humorous look at the world of Internet dating. Cherie went on over 60 coffee dates in just six months. She met lots of great people and one of those turned out to be the guy she would marry just one year later.

She is the Dating Feature Writer for Suite101, an online magazine with over 10 million views monthly, and also the author of three poetry books, including A New Dish and The Difference Now. Her latest, Father’s Eyes, has received the 2008 Editor’s Choice Award by Allbooks Review. Cherie blogs at Jennifer Lopez, Jessica and Ashlee Simpson, Career and Kids, Celebrity Apprentice, Gossip on Sports, and Diabetes Notes.

For poets looking for a review of their book, check out Cherie’s new site Bonjour Poetry Reviews.

Readers have resonated with Cherie’s honest and inspirational “This I Believe” essay, which is the second-most popular out of over 32,000 entries on the NPR website. For more information, please visit Cherie’s website at www.thedifferencenow.com or www.datingdatingall-things-dating.blogspot.com.

Welcome to Beyond the Books, Cherie. Can you tell us whether you are published for the first time or multi-published? Can you give us the title(s) of your book(s)?

Thanks for having me! I’m delighted to talk with you and your readers today!

Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza is my fifth book. I wrote another dating-related book entitled At the Coffee Shop a few years ago. I’ve also written three poetry books: A New Dish, The Difference Now, and Father’s Eyes.

What was the name of your very first book regardless of whether it was published or not and, if not published, why?

Oh gosh, I had this nasty habit of destroying my work for years and years. I don’t remember the name of my first book, but I know it was a novel and written over 25 years ago.

For your first published book, how many rejections did you go through before you either found a mainstream publisher, self-published it, or paid a vanity press to publish it?

For me, publishing my first book was about coming to terms with my past. I grew up with in an abusive household with an alcoholic father, so my self-esteem wasn’t quite up to par! As a way of dealing with the verbal abuse, I wrote poetry. I’d write tons of poetry every night and then rip it up by the next morning.

About ten years ago my father committed suicide and that opened my eyes to how short life really is. I decided that no matter what I would start keeping the things I wrote, whether I published them or not.

I quickly realized that I was a fairly prolific writer. And after a few years I had several hundred poems and dozens of stories. As a kind of “statement” to myself, I decided I’d publish one book. I never even tried to send my work into a mainstream publisher, get an agent, or even look for all the various opportunities that writers have now to publish their work.

I saw an ad for a self-publishing company and went through them to publish my work. To my great surprise, my little poetry book (The Difference Now) sold several hundred copies. More than that, however, I received several notes from people who could relate to some of the things I’d written. That gave me the resolve to keep writing, regardless of the rejections others might throw at you.

When your first book was published, who published it and why did you choose them?

I chose iUniverse at the time because they were readily available and advertised quite a bit. Since I knew so little about publishing, working with a firm that “did it all” for you was extremely helpful. Also, the cost at the time I did it was extremely low.

How did it make you feel to become published for the first time and how did you celebrate?

During the month my book came out, I also got married. So it was an all-around very happy time for me. My best friend and Maid of Honor read one of my poems at our reception, and she did it so well it moved everyone to tears. That is one of my fondest memories.

Here’s another: For our honeymoon (which was a couple weeks after the book came out) we went to Paris and London. This was a huge trip for us, because we are very frugal and never have the coin to travel. (In fact, we haven’t been anywhere since! But I digress….)

Anyway, when we were on our honeymoon, we actually brought a couple of copies of The Difference Now with us. I signed one and left it at the Starbucks in Paris, and my husband and I thought that was so funny. (We’re dorks. Can you just see us sitting there giggling at Starbucks?)

We also left a couple in bookstores in London. My husband put one on a bookstore shelf, and took a picture of my book “in bookstores in London.” I also posed for a picture outside of another bookstore, and we laughed that I had just “made my first bookstore appearance.”

Needless to say we were very happy and had a great time.

What was the first thing you did as far as promotion when you were published for the first time?

I can’t remember a thing I really did to promote the book, sadly enough. I knew very little about book promotion back then.

If you had to do it over again, would you have chosen another route to be published?

Yes. But then it’s always easy to say what you would have done differently, right? Experience is what gives us the education we need to do better.

After my first couple books were published, I was looking for a different way to go about the process. I came across another author, Diana Laurence, who had started her own publishing company and asked her how she did it. She then wrote an ebook about it, and that spurred me on to read more about it. Dan Poynter’s books were also extremely helpful to me. I started my own company, Bonjour Publishing, and have published that way ever since. I

Have you been published since then and how have you grown as an author?

My first books were poetry collections, and I gave little thought when I wrote them about how I would later market them. I’ve learned to write my books now as if someone will be reading them. I feel more compelled to satisfy the reader and write accordingly. Of course, I still write the things I want to write about, but with that small distinction I am able to also think about how to promote the book so the readers that would enjoy it most can find out about it.

What has been the biggest accomplishment you have achieved since becoming published?

One of the things I’m most proud of is a piece of writing that I never received a dime from. That was my “This I Believe” essay (http://tinyurl.com/dlsyor) for NPR. It talks about my childhood and has been very popular on the This I Believe site. I feel that in writing about things like that it can make people who are struggling feel so much less alone.

If you could have chosen another profession, what would that profession be?

I’ve always wanted to be a writer so I can imagine doing anything else. But I suppose if I was forced to pick something, it would be a professional organizer!

Would you give up being an author for that profession or have you combined the best of both worlds?

I wouldn’t give up writing for anything.

How do you see yourself in ten years?

As a happy, content woman. Hopefully that will include children as well as more books.

Any final words for writers who dream of being published one day?

Never let anyone discourage you. There are many writers out there who appeal to different people. There’s room for all of us, and many different options to get published. Educate yourself on the publishing industry and the craft of writing. Write because you love it, and the rest will follow.