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A Conversation with Humor Writer Noah Baird, author of ‘Donations to Clarity’




Noah BairdNoah Baird wanted to attend the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Clown College, but his grades weren’t good enough (who knew?). However, his grades were good enough to fly for the U.S. Navy (again, who knew?), where he spent 14 years until the government figured out surfers don’t make the best military aviators. He has also tried to be a stand-up comedian in Hawaii for Japanese tourists where the language barrier really screwed up some great jokes. On the bright side, a sailboat was named after the punchline of one of his jokes.

He has several political satire pieces published on The Spoof under the pen name orioncrew. Noah received his bachelors in Historical and Political Sciences from Chaminade University, where he graduated magna cum laude. He knows nothing about hoaxing Bigfoot. Donations to Clarity is his first novel.

You can visit his website at or his blog at

Connect with him at Facebook at

About Donations to Clarity

Donations to ClarityThe plan was simple: hoax bigfoot, then sell tours to bigfoot enthusiasts. The plan wasn’t brilliant, and neither were Harry, Earl, and Patch. The three chemical-abusing friends only wanted to avoid the 9 to 5 rat race, but their antics attract the attention of a real bigfoot. When the misogynistic Earl is mistaken for a female bigfoot by the nearsighted creature and captured; it is just the beginning of their problems.

The U.S. Government has a plan to naturalize the mythical creatures living within the U.S. borders. The problem is the plan needs to be carried out carefully. You can’t just drop little green men and Sasquatch in the middle of Walmart without warning Ma and Pa Taxpayer. The naturalization program is not ready to be set into motion, and the rogue bigfoot is bringing too much attention to itself, including a feisty investigative reporter who uncovers the truth of the government conspiracy and two bigfoot researchers. No longer able to contain the situation, government agents are tasked with eliminating the bigfoot and all witnesses.

Between bong hits and water balloon fights, Harry and Patch come up with a plan to save Earl and the lovestruck bigfoot. Where do you hide a giant, mythical creature? In an insane asylum, because who is going to listen to them?

Along the way, the three friends learn Star Wars was a government training film for children, the truth behind Elvis meeting President Nixon, and the significance of the weight of the human turd.

Q: Welcome to Beyond the Books, Noah.  Can we start out by telling us whether you are published for the first time or are you multi-published?

First time. I have some articles published, but this is the first book.

Q: When you were published for the first time, which route did you go – mainstream, small press, vanity published or self-published and why or how did you choose this route?

I tried everything. I was at the point where I thought self-publishing was my only option. As I was researching self-publishing options, Second Wind Publishing contacted me.

Q: How long did it take you to get published once you signed the contract?

About 7 months.

Q: How did it make you feel to become published for the first time and how did you celebrate?

It was surreal. I didn’t do anything special. I think I called my parents and had a few drinks.

Q: What was the first thing you did as for as promotion when you were published for the first time?

I started calling newspapers, local bookstores. The usual things.

Q: Since you’ve been published, how have you grown as a writer and now a published author?

I don’t think I’ve changed much.

Q: What has surprised or amazed you about the publishing industry as a whole?

It’s a lot harder to get a book sold than I thought. It’s far more difficult to get a bookstore to host a signing than I anticipated. I really thought I was in the club.

Q: What is the most rewarding thing about being a published author?

The interaction with the other authors. It’s great to be able to read their book, pick up the phone, and talk to them about it.

Q: Any final words for writers who dream of being published one day?

Don’t listen to the inner voice telling you that you can’t do it.

Giveaways, Contests & Prizes!

To celebrate the release of Noah’s book, Donations to Clarity, he will be attending the Pump Up Your Book Live! November Author Chat / Book Giveaway Party on Friday, November 18.  This is the perfect opportunity to ask Noah anything on a one on one basis.  Plus, he’s giving away a copy of his book to one lucky person who participates in the chat!

Click here to find out more details!





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